IT'S ALL ABOUT THE GRADES

I survived.

Here is how it unfolded….

5:00 pm my man and I went to meet Dr. Melfi for the first time. He works out of his home which at first I thought was a bit weird. When he opens the door I was astounded…he looks great and I’ve seen the boy out and about. This could be fun! We sit down on the couch and he proceeds to tell us the ground rules. No drugs, no disclosure of information - only if he thinks we may hurt someone (like the squirrels) etc etc..

While he is talking (at least 10 minutes eating up all my hard earned cash :) I notice a picture of him and a friend with the friend’s arm around him. My stars – it looks like Neil, an old friend that killed himself two years ago..the poor thing was so fucked up with depression….anyway…seeing this left me with a huge pit in my stomach….it obviously did not work for Neil (albeit for MANY different reasons) but was this his Dr.? How horrible. It did not leave me with a good feeling.

Our first exercise was to write down three reasons as to why we were there. After this we read them aloud. Here were my reasons:

1) to improve communication between us
2) to improve how I view myself
3) to improve our sex life.

OH MY GOD…you’d think that I tore off my mind tiara and stomped on it because #3 threw my man for a loop. He thought that I was just not interested in sex…now I did not say this (and I may on another appointment) but honey – I LOVE SEX…dirty Colin Farrell sex…I just find it boring with you and that may be why I’m distant. Hummmmm

We had to “Grade” our relationship, ourselves and each other on many questions asked by the Dr. We openly discussed our grades and remarkably we were very similar in almost every one. The Dr indicated that this is a sign of a strong relationship. Where were differed, and greatly, is on the question about how we view ourselves, externally of the relationship. Mine was high (big surprise) but his was low. And that was how I graded him. Interesting.

So the three of us chatted. It became evident that one of my huge faults was that I constantly assume that my man thinks certain things about me that he does not. Because I don’t communicate these feelings, I get a negative impression. Example: (here is where the squirrels pick up their pace)
I want to go out to a club with friends…I start to think this and then I immediately think that my man will not approve. I then start to feel guilty that I’m leaving him at home alone. I then begin to think that he thinks I’m up to no good. (which I have been in the past so HELLO!) and I begin to think that I have to hide the whole evening from him and not tell him anything . This leaves me feeling like I’m sneaking around and I don’t’ like it. All the while, he is thinking “great – go out , I’m gonna get to bed early and stretch out like a starfish on the bed and Sleep…go on…get out of my hair you are stressing me with this pissey look on your face”

Well. The doctor said that me forcing my imaginary feeling on him is a whole other session that we will get to.

He sent us home with homework. That’s right. It’s grade 9 all over again. Fuck – I knew I hated the first week of September and it was because of homework. So on Saturday morning we have to sit down and face each other. We each have to come up with 3 things that upset us recently and say them, alternating between each other. Then the same with things that the other did that we like. All the while, when one is talking the other is listening. There is no discussion until the end of the entire process. My man got sent home with his own homework. This upset him as he was jealous that I did not have any personal homework, however Dr. Melfi assured him that mine was on the way as we simply have to deal with me imposing my imaginary feelings.

At the end of the day, we walked out, happy, together, quiet and reflective. The Dr. did confirm that my man needs friends and needs to get out of the house, on his own to do something. This something was his homework.

I only hope his assignment is not late as it will affect how I grade.