Friday, September 19, 2003

The girls have met their match

Turkey Trip update:
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FROM: TorontoBoi
To: *******
SUBJECT: We've met our match.......
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So, after using up my entire years worth of Ativan in 48 hours, we packed
the bags and hit the road...I've come to realize that I need major external
stimulation to keep my squirrels calm, or another 3 years of therapy...This
taking time to think shit, well freaks me out... Back to yoga i guess...

So we arrive into Kusadasi, and find this great hotel/villa... It's perfect,
everything we wanted.... Just as we are checking in i hear from
somewhere..(in a very very very thick british accent)

Dahrling sweetie...oh dahrling sweetie, watch the titties...watch the
titties! Rob and I laugh, and then head over to investigate... As we walk up
the steps to the pool side, a bright light blinds us both. We stop and clear
our eyes, and through the glimmer we see.... It's Eddie and Patsy from AB
FAB... Their boulder size diamond rings, are sending out rays of light that
could be seen on mars... we are talking diamond the size of my left
testicle...huge... and to top it off, they are wearing nothing but a thong,
titties perked up towards the sun, like spring tulips in search of the first
rays of spring... and as for the dahrling sweetie, watch my titties, they
had the pool boy applying sunblock to their bodies... Bitch!!, all we can
say is you BITCH

We walk pass them, heading towards our room, when they ask, where you blokes
from? we stop, and say Canada. Their reply is... we love the blokes from
Canada, they taste better.. I think, no you can't mean... she wouldn't....
then she continues, the blokes from the UK are all cheezy, we hate uncut..I
fall in love with her instantly... then she says, fetch us a martini boys,
extra dirty!! i look towards the bar and see a case of Saphire gin.. I say,
wow they have imported alcohol here, they laugh and say, boys, boys, boys,
they don't have imported gin here, we brought our own... along with a trunk
filled with 3000 ciggies for our holiday....now be kind, fetch that tini
would you... we walk over to the bar, look for the martini glasses, none to
be found... she then says to us... darhling, sweetie, just go over to that
olive tree, pull off a few, and stuff them inside the bottle of gin...and
bring us a straw!!

Rob and I head to the rooms, and start to ponder... are they the female
version of us? have we met our match? bloody hell!!

We head back to the pool, and of course the two girls are getting all the
attention...I bring my cd case down, and ask them if they'd like to hear a
little Diana, or maybe some Norah Jones... Dammit boys they say... darhling
this isn't a funeral, put something Ibiza on...yes darhling Ibiza...

it wasn't even high noon, we are hammered...

Rob and I start to panic, no one is paying attention to us.. hmmm, Rob says
I've got an idea, he's up to no good, I can already feel it in my bones...he
winks at me, and points towards the room... we run off.. what's he's got
planned, i wonder...

we get into the room, and rob pulls out his... i'll get some attention cock
ring...i borrow his spare... we put them on, pull over some shorts, make a
plan, then head back for the pool...

we put on Nelly's It's getting hot in here cd, and turn the music up loud,
the crowd poolside starts to groove a little to the song... then, the moment
of truth, we hope up on the bar.... and start grinding..
girls cheering, crowd's eyes bulding out, we drop our shorts, and expose our
bikini's that are filled to the max.... we look like we have two
grapefruits, and an english cucumber stuffed inside.. the crowd goes
wild....

Patsy and Eddie can tell we are taking the lead, attention is on us, then
suddenly..they one up us...They hop up onto the bar, bare titties and all,
and then do the unthinkeable, they pull their thongs up so high, they expose
camel toes, and their shaved bushes.. they start a riot... Rob and I
shamelessly skirt off the bar quickly.. we need to rethink our plans...
we've met our match..

or so they think,
rumour has it the world's largest warship is pulling in to dock, we are off to cruise the horny sailor boys.. yum yum, Patsy and Eddy, are still by the pool... love the two slightly tanned white boys insearch of seamen, or semen!!