Beef Jerkey & Chelsea Farts

Apparently the travel embargo has been lifted.

Who knew that there would be so much good looking cargo on a flight from Calgary?
Shit sister, if this is what it is like there then slap me on the ass and call me a cowboy…I moving. The 6 inches of snow there was enough of a memory to keep me grounded in Toronto.

Shit – and sorry to him. If I had known that I was going to be there in advance and if I had had internet access, I would have e-mailed. I would have simply loved to meet up with you.

I flirted with one particular strapping 30 something passenger on the way back from cow-town to the YYZ. I played eye contact games…him staring down the aisle watching what I’m doing, me sauntering around the galley giving him my best side. Hiding behind the galley curtains. He eventually had to get up to use the lav so I immediately locked it as if a passenger was in it thereby forcing him to stand and wait in the galley for the lav on the other side to free up. My plan worked and we chatted for about ½ hr.

Last night I arrived at La Guardia around 10 pm. On the way down 5 passengers in business class were dirking gin & tonic. This immediately drummed up a craving and I licked my lips every time I served one….they needed to wet and moist and supple as the business boys were hot! The crew took the shuttle bus to our hotel across the road. I checked in, went to the business center and promptly looked up what kind of trouble I was going to get into in NYC on a Wednesday night.

Not much apparently.

The city was dead. DEAD. I took a cab to Chelsea and went here. Hung out by myself for bit drinking gin & tonic. Eventually met a nice guy named Glenn. He was an illustrator – AKA struggling artist who can’t pay the rent so has to work retail so he can eat. Sad when people can’t do what they want.

Glenn took me to a club called hell for more cocktails. I think this was in the outskirts of the meat packing district. Then we went to some other club where the bartender was not wearing a shirt. Then we went to some restaurant and had some food.

It was at this point, on the way to the restaurant, that I saw the squirrels. Humm…rather large squirrels in manhattan...and so many!! They did not have fluffy tails. There were no trees around. I comment to Glenn about the squirrels. He laughs. “Lady – those be rats”

Walking along on our way back to Chelsea we see Edward Norton standing in front of this club that is supposedly the shit of the meet packing district. We stop in a corner store and buy some beef jerky to chat & chew while watching the commotion.

Glenn and I were laughing at all of the b list celebrities and dishing Alex Baldwin when my stomach started to act up. I was commenting on the sounds from my stomach saying it sounded like beef jerkey had a whole shock & awe campaign going against the G&T.
All of a sudden this African American man approaches us and asks “got a fart?”

I look at Glenn and I’m like “What did he just say?”

The man says “got a fart? I want to smell your fart. Just one. …. Come one, give me a fart. I like farts. I know you have one for me. “

I look at Glenn and he winks.

Never in my life have I ever let one rip like I did for that man. He witnessed my own little shock & awe.

Girls, with all my flying these past few days I neede to DECOMPRESS sumthin' fierce.

My energie jeans will never be the same. Thank god for the low rise style…gas escapes faster when half your bootie is hangin’ out.

Glenn let out his own as well but his sounded like a little french horn. He's spannish though.

The man was ecstatic and actually put down his paper bags of dead skin smelling clothing, sat down on the sidewalk and started to humm as he inhaled the sick air. Glenn and I were laughing so hard. You know you get along with someone when you can fart with them. Male bonding I guess?

Glenn and I finally made it to a restaurant where we had red wine and grilled cheese sandwiches. This was fantastic trendy little place that supposedly is hoppin’ on the weekends when they open the downstairs.. Beautiful décor and beautiful wait staff. Oh..the food was yummy too.

We talked and talked and talked. At 4:30 am I thought it would be best to head back to the hotel and get some sleep.

What a treat the night turned out to be and I now have a friend in NYC to call up upon.