Schnitel Princesses

Sunday night my partner and I were watching "X-MEN 2" and around 9:30 pm the phone rang.

"Hello, Sissy SpaceChik?"
I say "Yes?"

The man on the other end says "Crew Scheduling calling, we have a flight for you if you are interested...Flight 872 leaving at 11:00 (1 1/h hours from now) to Frankfurt. There has been a delay and the we need to re-crew it"

"Humm.." thinking that I've been waiting all weekend for the airline to call and give me extra flying, which is when I can choose to work whatever flights they have available.

"Sure - send a limo to get me - what time do you want me there at?" I say.

The Screw Skeduler (damn that dyslexia) says "Anytime before 11 pm - they won't leave with out you."

Well, I put on my hoop skirt, poped a few Ativan and performd the bag drag of shame all the way to the airport for the late night dark and frantic trans-atlantic. It's amazing how fast I can pull myself together.

So off I go to Frankfurt in a matter of minutes that Sunday evening....thank gawd we did not drink any wine at dinner!
Well, I show up at the airport and the police had already been called because the passengers were LIVID about a 6 hour delay. Great I think...this is going to be a fun one tonight. Sure hope the first aid kit is loaded with bandages cuz I know I'm gonna slit my wrists.

The crew was excellent...talk about a sister express all the way to Germany!

As it turns out, the passengers were fine. Not a problem - oh - except for this princess in Executive First Class.

She calls me over and asks if we have a "pump thingie".

I'm like "A what?"

"You know, to blow up this" and she shows me her inflatable neck pillow.

I say "Oh..No, we don't have a pump for that...perhaps you could inflate it your self?"

"Oh no! I can't do that!" she wines.

"Um, sure you can - you just blow into that" I point.

"No..I can't do that" she drools.

"Yes you can"

"No I can't"

"Well you are going to have to if you want it inflated now aren't you?" I say with a pleasant smile ;)

"Please, can you inflate it for me? Other people have!" she says so innocently.

"Absolutely not. Here..put your mouth on this and blow - hard" I say laughing inside.

"Oh I don't think that will work..." she says confused.

"Sure you can...pucker you lips and blow the little stubby thing." I say.

She gives if a blow and voila, it starts to inflate.

"Well! Thank you!" she says.

"Not a problem..I learned that little trick early on in life." I say.

I walk away and whisper to myself - bet her husband is not going to be happy when he finds out she learned this trick from a flight attendant...on second thought...maybe he will.

On the layover, the 4 of us decide to go out to dinner and drinks. After dinner we draked our peppercorn filled asses to the local gay bar "chapeau clack". We actually stay in a very small town outside of Frankfurt so the local gay bar is about the size of my wardrobe. The 4 of us walk in and all 5 people in the place turn around and look at us. Nice I think.

Well we were a hit and those German boys will not forget us. After about a 1/2 hr after we make our red carpet enterance, this hunk of a 22 year old struts in and starts taking all the attention away from me. We instantly call him over and start chatting. He was in school to become a dentist and had a HOT body. Nights like this i wish i was single because he was packing some schnitzel that I would have scarfed down in a minute. He stayed with us for the evening and a good time was had by all. He had only eyes for me and knew he was getting nowhere (my squirrels have settled down you see) so he left alone. At 2:30 am we crawled back to the hotel, I popped some sleeping pills, 1 shot of gin and off to sleep I went.

Th way home was fun as well, One of the stewardesses retired on the flight so we had a party. The first Officer was cute and invited me to sit in the Flight Deck for landing. I think he wanted some lovin' from me but I don't do texas curly moustaches. Seeing as I'm in training to be do a pilot, I took him up on the offer to enjoy his skillful hands at the controls of such a bit tube.

I made a video of 747 landing in Toronto so have a look - the quality is poor but near the end you can see the captain put his hands on the reverse thrust and stop the big boy. Definitely not the "flick" method.

I also took a picture of the flight deck controls. Can anyone tell me what altitude we are at? The winner gets a visit from me to you local home town - all expenses paid by you. (all you flight attendants out there are exempt from winning).

Oh - BTW, Collin Farrell was on the flight.