Tuesday, February 03, 2004

Swollowing Tampon Ebola Bed Bugs

what to I write about today?

The fact that no one has offered to meet me in NYC tomorrow night. Bitches. Guess I'll just head down to Chelsea and visit my fart smelling friend from the last time.

I could write about the muscle aching, blue ball, chair breaking sex last I had night.

I could write about the fact that ever since super (my partner) and I finished couple therapy with Dr. Melfi, that he is totally into swallowing. I recommend therapy to anyone. Obviously it works.

I could write about my tampon turn tomorrow before the New York layover and how I'd rather peal back my nails instead of working the retirement home rocket to Tampa. Nothing like doing a depends service.

I could write about the fact that yesterday at my office job, one of our databases became corrupted and I cannot restore it off our our backup tapes because the backup system malfunctioned. I already tried to slit my wrists over this but the knife was too dull.

I could write about the level of stress I'm feeling at the office job right now. I could tell you that none of my flight attendant friends understand my stresses. I have to relate my office stress to airline stress for them to get it. Example: The corrupted database thing is just like working the silver bird from London when all of a sudden the A-340 Video system fails. You got 250 angry brits all up your hoop skirt wanting free flights and there is squat that you can do. Oh yea - I lost your luggage too.

I could write about how TorontoBoy broke up with his imaginary boyfriend. For weeks we have been telling him that the ESL boy "walks like a boyfriend, talks like a boyfriend, snuggles like a boyfriend - BUT HE'S NOT YOUR BOYFRIEND" TorontoBoi is in mourning, he lost the imaginary love of his life and none of us really know what to tell him. The poor thing.

I could write about the fact that I think our hotel in London has bed bugs. I gots me little red dots on my torso.

I could write about the fact that I'm terrified of kids on the plane with chicken pox. Never had it and every time I see a god damn urchin on the plane with it I run to the bio-hazard kit. (left over from the Ebola virus scare a few years ago.)


I could ask the question.....

Does security go through security at the airport?