You Probably think This Song is About You - Don't You?

Sprite - I'm sorry we did not hook-up on Wednesday night. Excuses excuses, yadda yadda yadda..I'll be back in the NYC airspace soon...I just have a vacation next week in Cancun to get through first.

Now, This post may be long and you'd better read it and forget it. I may delete it because if my BF gets wind of the latest NYC layover I'll be cut up into squirrel feed and sent south of the border faster then an Albertan mad cow.

The flight to Tampa was hilarious. Just look at my favorite passenger. She was a gawd damn star in her day....drinking her vino from the bottle. I want to be that ghetto-fab when I grow up.

MY MILKSHAKE BRINGS ALL THE BOYS TO THE YARD
11:30 pm - Wednesday Feb 4 - Barracuda

You all know it. Bravo's hot, like him or not. I'm totally doing his PR right now, but doing anything else would land me in some serious hot water. I'd rather he bite me in the ass then the squirrels though.

I waited patiently at the bar sipping on my G&T for Bravo to show. My stair down of the ripped bartender was rudely interrupted by some sketched out slicked back hair tina angel who was digging my stink. "You smell great" was his opening remark, followed by the usual what do you, do where are you from with a little usual American Canadian bashing drawl thrown in on the side. I was beginning to wonder if this was an indication of how the night might unfold. The way Ms tina was strategically placing her hand on my body during the perfectly timed points in the conversation was making me wish I was wearing bug repellant and not Boss Sport.

ENTER BRAVO & W
Larger then life and strikingly handsome, Mr. Bravo instantly has the attention of the bar and me. Within minutes there was a flurry of conversations happening and the laughter was abundant. I knew instantly that the orange alert in Manhattan was going to be called because our planned night of terrorizing the boys was in full effect.

Within minutes of Bravos entrance, Ms Tina instantly moved her tentacles over to him and was totally interrupting us. Bravo' problem now, not mine.

The barracuda had attracted a particular NBC style queen who worked the bar in full glory. It was only minutes before he was over talking with us. Who knew that spilling 3 drinks on a B list celebrity would get you his number? Bravo did. By the time we had left W and I were crying a river of rejection while Bravo & the queer eye were programming their cell phones. Why do I look like SHIT in every photo?

AND THEIR LIKE "IT'S BETTER THEN YOURS. DAMN RIGHT, IT'S BETTER THEN YOURS"
1:00 am - Thursday Feb 5 - Shag

W ditched Bravo and I whining about some sort of 9-5 job or whatever. Bravo and I skipped up the street to Shag where we got really sketchy, trashy and bootylicious.

Trousers were dropped and milkshakes exposed. There are pictures, but they are locked in a vault. The hedge trimming practices were discussed and compared between Madame Asiana and me. According to her I'm too British. I'm only worried that I may come across my snatch shot as someone's gay.com profile; which would be sick.

YOU KNOW YOU WANT IT... THE THING THAT MAKES ME, WHAT THE GUYS GO CRAZY FOR
2:15 am - Thursday Feb 5 - Hell

Scarfing back some Gin Minis on the street, Bravo and I were warming ourselves up in preparation for our entrance to Hell.

Chillin' was the beat at this place. Bravo and I discussed many things over cocktails that are for my ears only. He's fantastic.

THEY LOSE THEIR MINDS, THE WAY I WIND, I THINK IT'S TIME
3:00 am - Thursday Feb 5 - COCK

Thank god for civility in Manhattan. A Bar where you can smoke. Seriously, my balls had regressed back to their childhood state from being outside smoking so much...oh yea - STAY BEHIND THE SMOKING LINE when outside a club. Whatever.

The B and I were dancing to tome alternative 80's crap when the Brit made his presence known. On the attack for some hard action he was relentless in his pursuit of B & I. He didn't even flinch when I inadvertently butted my cigarette out on his forearm. I'm like "Hey Lady - you just butted my cigarette out with your arm!"

At 4:00 am we headed back to Queens after discussing Flags at the UN building.

I CAN TEACH YOU, BUT I'D HAVE TO CHARGE
11:00 am - Thursday Feb 5 - My hotel room

The never ending drama of US society called Jerry Springer entertained us as we woke up.

SEPARATE BEDS you Mo Fo's, though I could get charged with molestation if I had not controlled my squirrels.

I'm not a star Phu*ker.

Yet.

WARM IT UP, (La-La-La-La-la) THE BOYS ARE WAITING.
1:00 pm - Thursday Feb 5 - My hotel room (still)

The queer eye calls. Wants a date. Not next week though, he's at the Grammy's. I'm speechless. I did not ever get a number last night. Bravo stole my thunder ;)

A terrible walk through queens left us running back to the hotel lobby for breakfast lunch.

JUST GET THE PERFECT BLEND, PLUS WHAT YOU HAVE WITHIN
3:00 pm - Thursday Feb 5 - The hallway outside my room.

Kisses good-bye and promises on another orange Alert at the end of the month when I invade the LGA skies once more. Next time, it's a Thursday night. That reeks of trouble.

Bravo's a good guy. We had a great time. So much dissin' goin on right now that I'm sure I'll get dragged into it. But I don't want to so why not keep it to yourselves ok?

I'll hook up and meet anyone if I'm jettin' to your towns. Just let me know.

YOU'RE SO VAIN, YOU PROBABLY THINK THIS SONG IS ABOUT YOU
6:00 pm - Thursday Feb 5 - LGA, on the tarmac.

"we are currently number 28 for departure......."