Sunday, February 08, 2004

Hello, My Name Is Mary J. Blige

There is absolutely No More Drama in my life right now. It's boring, so I'll write about my miss-adventures in the YYZ last night even though that is a really tired post. Ya'll will have to wait another week for anything of substance (as if I ever post something of substance) cuz...

I'm leaving for Cancun tomorrow, Monday Feb 9 returning to YYZ on Feb 16. Don't be envious because I'm staying here -

Last Night was Lube and then the Barn. I've never been to the Barn.

I'm never going back to the Barn.

It has to be the sketchiest firetrap in the city. The armpit of the city. What a waste of $5.00. TorontoBoi met up with his bi-sexual Teacher FB at lube leaving Daniel and I to head to the sketch hell ourselves. We were both instantly assaulted by the scum of Toronto upon entering the club. I had my ass grabbed, nipple twisted, chest felt up and even had a few boys "pushed" into me to get my attention. What is up with that? Toronto's House Of Horrors. Bugly. (butt fuck ugly)

Upon night's end, the coat check queue had wrapped itself around the inside walls of the bar. This is when I really realized that I was actually partying in a homeless shelter. The lights were on and all the bugged out kids and their grandparents were trying to look sexy as they cruised. Daniel and I were scared. Scarred more like it.

A fight broke out because some Lolita was sitting on the pool table, fed up with waiting in line for the coat check.

"get OFF the pool table"

"I'm waiting for my coat and keys. I think I'm going to vomit"


"I SAID, I'm waiting for my fucking coat and keys and I'm going to vomit..."


"Lick my cunt you fat fuck.."

I've never laughed so hard. Daniel and I heard the bouncer go to the back and get assistance from the other bouncers. (apparently she did not know how to work her Madonna headset, so it must have been some fashion accessory) Such a big guy and his voice was worse then Beckham's.

"He swore AT me!" the Big Bear tells the other bouncers in a pathetically whiney voice.

Out comes some more burley boys. One of them was covered into Tattoos. Daniel and I almost went up to him to tell him that he missed a spot cus' there was some skin showing on the back of his arm. Along with tattoo, there was this old lady. She must have been 55, fat and the meanest dyke you have ever seen. Wearing a black bra under her see through black mesh top her tits were a second pair on knees. The mouth on this woman as she tore a strip off the Lolita on the pool table left Lolita crying on the floor. That's right - send in the lesbian to break the fags down. They got it all figured out at this place.

Out goes the trash....without her coat and keys.

Have a good week everybody.. I doubt I'll post from Cancun because why would I?

Unless I see a squirrel, or two...I am at an all Adult resort ;)

I need a Conjugal Visit

One last thing before my vacation.....a Conjugal Visit.

Just remember, I'll lick you until your eyes cross......and I'm not into jelly beans.