Friday, September 19, 2003

The girls have met their match

Turkey Trip update:
FROM: TorontoBoi
To: *******
SUBJECT: We've met our match.......
So, after using up my entire years worth of Ativan in 48 hours, we packed
the bags and hit the road...I've come to realize that I need major external
stimulation to keep my squirrels calm, or another 3 years of therapy...This
taking time to think shit, well freaks me out... Back to yoga i guess...

So we arrive into Kusadasi, and find this great hotel/villa... It's perfect,
everything we wanted.... Just as we are checking in i hear from
somewhere..(in a very very very thick british accent)

Dahrling sweetie...oh dahrling sweetie, watch the the
titties! Rob and I laugh, and then head over to investigate... As we walk up
the steps to the pool side, a bright light blinds us both. We stop and clear
our eyes, and through the glimmer we see.... It's Eddie and Patsy from AB
FAB... Their boulder size diamond rings, are sending out rays of light that
could be seen on mars... we are talking diamond the size of my left
testicle...huge... and to top it off, they are wearing nothing but a thong,
titties perked up towards the sun, like spring tulips in search of the first
rays of spring... and as for the dahrling sweetie, watch my titties, they
had the pool boy applying sunblock to their bodies... Bitch!!, all we can
say is you BITCH

We walk pass them, heading towards our room, when they ask, where you blokes
from? we stop, and say Canada. Their reply is... we love the blokes from
Canada, they taste better.. I think, no you can't mean... she wouldn't....
then she continues, the blokes from the UK are all cheezy, we hate uncut..I
fall in love with her instantly... then she says, fetch us a martini boys,
extra dirty!! i look towards the bar and see a case of Saphire gin.. I say,
wow they have imported alcohol here, they laugh and say, boys, boys, boys,
they don't have imported gin here, we brought our own... along with a trunk
filled with 3000 ciggies for our be kind, fetch that tini
would you... we walk over to the bar, look for the martini glasses, none to
be found... she then says to us... darhling, sweetie, just go over to that
olive tree, pull off a few, and stuff them inside the bottle of gin...and
bring us a straw!!

Rob and I head to the rooms, and start to ponder... are they the female
version of us? have we met our match? bloody hell!!

We head back to the pool, and of course the two girls are getting all the
attention...I bring my cd case down, and ask them if they'd like to hear a
little Diana, or maybe some Norah Jones... Dammit boys they say... darhling
this isn't a funeral, put something Ibiza on...yes darhling Ibiza...

it wasn't even high noon, we are hammered...

Rob and I start to panic, no one is paying attention to us.. hmmm, Rob says
I've got an idea, he's up to no good, I can already feel it in my bones...he
winks at me, and points towards the room... we run off.. what's he's got
planned, i wonder...

we get into the room, and rob pulls out his... i'll get some attention cock
ring...i borrow his spare... we put them on, pull over some shorts, make a
plan, then head back for the pool...

we put on Nelly's It's getting hot in here cd, and turn the music up loud,
the crowd poolside starts to groove a little to the song... then, the moment
of truth, we hope up on the bar.... and start grinding..
girls cheering, crowd's eyes bulding out, we drop our shorts, and expose our
bikini's that are filled to the max.... we look like we have two
grapefruits, and an english cucumber stuffed inside.. the crowd goes

Patsy and Eddie can tell we are taking the lead, attention is on us, then
suddenly..they one up us...They hop up onto the bar, bare titties and all,
and then do the unthinkeable, they pull their thongs up so high, they expose
camel toes, and their shaved bushes.. they start a riot... Rob and I
shamelessly skirt off the bar quickly.. we need to rethink our plans...
we've met our match..

or so they think,
rumour has it the world's largest warship is pulling in to dock, we are off to cruise the horny sailor boys.. yum yum, Patsy and Eddy, are still by the pool... love the two slightly tanned white boys insearch of seamen, or semen!!

Baby Boy you stay on my mind

Baby boy you stay on my mind
Fulfill my fantasies
I think about you all the time
I see you in my dreams

Why do I not feel this way about my partner anymore? I really long for that lust when you first meet someone. That desire, that craving for their body. The courting, the flirting. The take me to your room and rip my cloths off. The exploration of a new body. The touch, smell and sounds of someone new. This is what I'm craving. It somehow has faded over the last 11 years of our partnership. Does it ever come back or have I lost it forever? (not my mind - I lost that a LONG time ago)

My relationship is doomed. I can feel it. I want to seek shelter - a storm is brewing. Maybe it's just Isabel making the squirrels in my head scramble and seek shelter. I feel like shutting down and hibernating...but I can't because today I have a date at 1:00 with my new threesome...Me, my partner and Dr. Melfi the therapist. Our third encounter. I've failed my assignment this week - to find ways to spice up our sex life - then again, maybe I just wrote it all down above.

I need to get on the flight tonight to fly away from all this.

Is it a coincidence that the eye of the now tropical storm Isabel hits the city at 2:00...during my threesome?

Thursday, September 18, 2003

747's; Platform Hotties & Ativan...

Ok - I take back everything I said yesterday about the peasant shuttle. I now love it. I figured it out. It's all about finding the cutest guy standing on the platform and working it. Make sure you get in the same car and sit across the aisle from him so you can check him out for the entire ride..or check him out for a potential for a ride....

My Man and I still have not done our homework yet. PLEASE - SOMEONE SUGGEST WAYS TO SPICE UP OUR SEX LIVES!!!!! I'M DYEING HERE! I've only got 28 hours till the appointment with Dr. Melfi. We honestly cannot come up with anything. Probably because we are both so reserved, quite and shy to talk about this. It really is crazy. This blog is helping me become more vocal and think about what I'm feeling.

I think I want to go to Woodies or Wett Bar tonight so I going to go hunt for someone to accompany me.

Tomorrow I fly to London again on the 747-400 Combi (back half of the main cabin is cargo). This aircraft is one of my favorites. I love the size, the space and the power of it. When it takes off and I'm sitting in the upper deck, I can see the winglets from my jumpseat. I watch the wings bow upwards as they begin to bear the weight of the plane as the lift is generated. Do these wings ever bend. BTW - did you know that the engines are held on by two bolts. That's it. It is still the fastest passenger aircraft out there and it cuts off as much as 20 minutes from the flying time on the return trip home from London. I'm very happy the Air Canada has decided to keep these for the time being. There was talk of them going in August but I guess not. Otherwise I'd be walking to London tomorrow. The picture is aircraft #341 registration C-GAGL and I have a 1/3 chance of working this aircraft tomorrow as AC only has 3.

I'm looking forward to the workout at the the gym in SoHo. It's very nice and there is LOTS to look at. I don't know what they have put in the water over there but the boys are getting fit. I've been going to London for years and never really found anyone attractive. Miss thing...Either the times have changed or I have but its like there was some sort of revelation over there. EVERYONE now works out and they look fabulous.

Turkey Trip update:
FROM: TorontoBoi
To: *******
SUBJECT: One for you, three for me...
k, so we run to the autogar and yell out "One way ticket the fuck outta
here!", the turks stop and look at us... people don't swear here... then
again, they don't speak english here...

So we get on the luxury bus to Ephesus.. Ah... i'm telling you the bus
system here is better then sex... Full first class seats, recline into a
double bed...two bus attendants looking after your every need, well almost
every need, but at this point, I'd pay a couple extra pesos for a little
something-something.... juice service every 10minutes, all for free. the
tickets, a mere 10 pesos each, for a 5 hour trip...

We arrive into Ephesus, take the dalumus to the hotel.. a taste of
The hotel is right on the beach, well it's more like a villa style place,
only one story..
Our room is simple, two beds, a light, and a shower, our veranda faces the
agean sea, one step off our veranda and you are on the white sands of the
beach.. Completely simple, nothing more, nothing less...
Just us and our thoughts... Speaking of thoughts...

I wonder if my brother has sold my car yet, well if he hasn't I hope his got
my service engine light problem fixed, damn that car has cost me a

Money will be tight when i get home, this trip, the cost of fixing my car, i
wonder how full my visa is..

Hmm, i wonder if i'm gonna have to move,

did ted rent out my room yet? Wow, that's gonna cost more money, fuck i hate

hmmm, i wonder if i can work overtime when i get back...

well i wonder if i'll have a job when i get back..

i hope air canada hasn't gone completely bankrupt..

ok enough about that....

hmmm... it's so romantic here... wish i was with someone special, this would
have been a great trip for me and Doug.

Oh fuck, did I just think that.. he's got a boyfriend now... good for him,
he deserves it..

well don't i derseve it?

why can't i meet mr right... maybe i'm just fucked up or something,

do people think i'm ugly or something, maybe cause i'm fat.. i wonder....

ok enough about that....

deep breath... in and out... AHHHH

think good thoughts, you're in a beautiful place, listen to the waves
crashing... ahhhh

my life is kinda a mess... nowhere to live... my job is unstable, my
finances are getting ugly... i'm single, winter is coming, god i hate


one for you three for me.... count backwards, 10 9 8 7 666 55555
4444444444444 33333333333333
wow, life is GREAT!!!
bags are packed again, i can't stand the solitude, the squirrels in my head
are driving me crazy..

Wednesday, September 17, 2003

Prime Time Peasant Shuttle

I had to take the peasant shuttle into the office job this morning. What a horrific experience. The Yonge train southbound to College from Bloor was more packed then Wett Bar on a Saturday night. Where's the trannie (we call her "Coon eyes" to those of you who frequent the place) to serve me my Leeche martini? The trains need to be broken down by class and boarding passes issued. The pushing and shoving to get on to the train before the doors close reminds me of the Kosher Clipper to Miami at first snowfall in Toronto. Why people wear what they wear in public, let alone work is beyond me. I think all offices should have a dress code of Diesel, D&G and Prada. Throw in a Coach bag to carry that organizer and your set for a successful day.

I am so over Cupid. When did prime time get morals? Hank should have married the bitch on the spot and then took her for all she's worth in 366 days. W-H-A-T-E-V-E-R. Hank's my man; if he can't do her no one can!

I really DISLIKE the Alliance Party for the stunts they are pulling in parliament. I really dislike being a pawn in an election game. SHAME on them. I can't wait for my local rep to make an appearance at my door to try and get my vote. I am so going to give them a piece of my mind about what their party stands for. Bigotry. The bastards.

Tuesday, September 16, 2003

Coffee grinds

Danaman and I headed to SoHo for dinner @ Wagamamma's and drinks at rupert Street - as planned. I'm kind of getting over rupert Street - it's way too smoky and the music is too loud to chat. It's just like Wett Bar here in Toronto.

Danaman and I leave @10:45 to go to DTPM. We take the tube to Kings Cross and find out that the tube to Farringdon was closed. I had no idea how to get there above ground and we figured that it may be dead if the tube line was closed to we hopped back on the train to go back to SoHo. On the way down we pretended that we were in Tokyo on our way home from work, hanging off the handle bars inside the trans, acting like were asleep. Foolish boys we were. After more drinks in Soho we wandered back to the hotel.

the walk back was wonderful, we really bonded and I think I now have new friend to hang with outside of the airline. He is married as well and is lacking "Couple Friends" We are planning to go to his place on Wednesday for cocktails. Should I show them my new partner yoga poses?

Danaman is fun and we act like brothers on the plane- always play fighting.

On the way over I was sitting on my jumpseat as we circled London waiting for ATC to clear us to land. My crotch felt cold all of a sudden. I look down and it is soaking wet. Danaman had poured half a litre of water on my snatch.

I got him back by shaking a bottle of water at him from across the airplane. He looked like a drowned rat as he said good by to all the passengers.

On the way home yesterday, it started with a play fight in the back business class cabin which was empty and full of only crew hanging. He wedgied(sp?) me and I grabbed a rice salad off the counter and told him that I would dump it on him if he did not let go. My underwear was now at my shoulder blades so I dumped the salad on his head. Nothing like hearing a queen scream when her hairdo is fucked up.

I crunched up some crackers and put them in his suit inside pocket.

In deplaining, I noticed that BOTH my inside pockets were full of coffee grinds. Then I went into my crew bag which was FULL of coffee grinds. The bitch.

Danaman drove me home last night... I can't wait until he looks into his trunk today .. I had to empty my crew bag somewhere... ;-)

We fly together in a few weeks....I'm so excited!

Hurricane Hibernation

I am feeling remarkably well today - I'm in a great mood and excited to be home for three days. The agenda is filling up for each night which is a welcome change so I'm excited. I have not been in such a good mood for a long time and I think I deserve it. All my ducks seem to be lined up and the squirrels are busy digging for acorns in preparation for winter hibernation.....I hope. The hurricane is on it's way to Toronto and will hit on Friday - the day I leave for my next flight. You know I'll be stuck on the tarmac at Pearson Friday night wishing I was at Wett bar for cocktails meeting people. Humm, hurricane....great....something else to bankrupt the gawd damn airline.

There is LOTS to do at the office job today and I just don't know where to start - can't concentrate on any particular thing. Should I fix the website problems with one client or start the major web overhaul for the'll just read some blogs instead.

My man and I will have to chat tonight about our homework from our last session. The both of us have to sit down and talk about the ways we can improve out sex life....I know that I'm going to try to become a bottom. It scares me but I'm going to try. I don't think this is enough for Dr. Melfi or my man but I'm stuck. I think I'd be happiest fucking in the corner of a locker room shower while there are all these hot men around watching and getting it on themselves.

Where can I do that in this city?

Monday, September 15, 2003

Chatty Cathy

The flight to London on Saturday night was soooo much fun.

I knew the minute that I saw that my friend Danaman was working the flight I knew that this layover would be a hoot. SoHo will never be the same once we are done with the service worker Sunday night drinking crowd. I don't think Danaman or I even lifted a finger during that 7 hour flight (typical Air Canada fashion) as we sat in the back of the 747 drinking flight attendant style lattes and talking about our love life, how I can become a bottom, and how we hate the Canadian Airlines flight attendants working at the front of the aircraft. He and his partner go to the same therapist as my man and I. You KNOW we dished Dr. Melfi and his confliting advise :). Later on, the other Flight Attendants at the front got all pissy as they had to serve the passengers and we weren't. WHATEVER BEEEATCH. We bought you. You work. HA HA HA.

Absolutely NOTHING good to look at in the cabin. Maybe I was distracted by my friend. He's so hot. When he was a single fly boy he could pick up anyone, anywhere. Yes...soblo...even in the mid lav on he 330/340. I know where the key you?

Sunday, September 14, 2003

Partner Yoga

Partner Yoga on Saturday was amazing. I've never don yoga before, but my friend Bastersnatch is a huge follower. I felt like I was in Circque Du Soleil... all the balancing, stretching, touching, feeling one another. It really cemented our friendship and gave us some great moves for the next cocktail reception. Below are some pictures of our instructors so you can see what we did (yes - we did these poses - VOGUE! Ladies with an attitude). When I get our photo's back I'll post them as well.

The next session is in October and if anyone in the Toronto area is interested, visit our instructors website at I highly recommend it!

To my readers...namaste - yoga talk for I think you are cool